Posts Tagged ‘Vows’

Wedding Blogger Battle Royale: Round 6

Tuesday, August 14th, 2012

Today brings the final installment in our wedding blogger battle royale series. Our competitors are locked in a tight battle with one last chance to debate. Today’s topic: whether it’s worth the time to pen your own vows.

writing wedding vows

Writing your own vows: should you or shouldn’t you?

Ian: Of course you should! There’s no better way to express your love in front of your friends and family than to cry and snort your way through a paragraph that culminates in “you are my best friend” (which nobody actually believes anyway).  And snot-stains on the sleeve of a black tuxedo!?! Don’t get me started! HIGH ROMANCE!!!

Anne: I think writing your own vows can be very romantic but you have to be comfortable saying how you feel for each other in front of a room of people — even if they are your closest family and friends.

I like saying the traditional vows and then writing a private note to each other with your personal thoughts and feelings that you can exchange before or after the ceremony.  It’s a special keepsake you’ll have forever.

If you do decide to write your own vows they don’t have to be mushy.  You can make them funny, turn it into a poem or even break out in song.  The last option may turn you into a YouTube sensation and even land you on a morning talk show! Now that would be the icing on the cake.

Anne Chertoff has worked at Modern Bride, Martha Stewart Weddings, iVillage Weddings, Brides.com and was the Editor in Chief of aisledash.com and AOL’s Royal Wedding web site. She currently writes wedding planning and style columns for several wedding sites including EquallyWed and WeddingWire. Follow Anne on Twitter.

Ian is the author of “A Groom’s Diary”, his journal chronicling the hilarity of the wedding-planning process…from the groom’s point of view.  Follow him on Twitter or Facebook.

What are the Groom’s Ceremony Duties?

Monday, June 11th, 2012

groom ceremony duties

While much of the groom’s wedding planning attention is focused on the rehearsal dinner and honeymoon, he’ll also have a hand in several aspects of the marriage ceremony itself. The bride’s family does historically cover the majority of wedding day costs, however there are several ceremony-related expenses and responsibilities that the groom, his parents or a combination of both are traditionally expected to provide.

Keep in mind that while the line between “his side” and “her side” duties is becoming increasingly blurred, most couples still use a traditional list to begin divvying up planning tasks.  Begin by determining how much, if any, monetary input you’ll be receiving from your parents. Then huddle up with them and go over this list of traditional groom duties and associated costs. For the wedding ceremony, the list isn’t long, but it’s quite important:

Flowers
One of the groom’s traditional responsibilities is paying for the bride’s bouquet that she’ll carry down the aisle. Some guys will roll their eyes at this, but it’s actually a key ingredient to the bride’s overall look. Take it from a married man: You’ll never forget how you feel when you see her walking toward you, flowers in hand, ready to become your wife.

Attire
The groom is responsible for selecting the tuxedoes or suits that he and the wedding party will wear during the ceremony. He’ll need to coordinate local fittings and provide instructions to out-of-towners. It’s also a nice touch to cover any rental fees for both the groom’s own father and the father of the bride.

Marriage License and Clergy Fee
The law states that you must secure a marriage license before you can get married. Tradition states that the groom is the lucky one who gets to pay for it. Before you head down to the courthouse, be sure to check your state’s laws associated with marriage licenses. If you’re getting married in a church, the groom will also be expected to pay for the clergy fee and/or cash tip.

Transportation
Arranging transportation to and from the ceremony also falls under the groom’s duties. Popular options include trolley cars, stretch limousines/SUVs and classic cars. This is truly an area for the groom to get creative.

Vows
Last but not least is something money can’t, or rather shouldn’t, buy: the wedding vows. If the bride and groom decide to pen original vows, it’s a good idea to get started writing them no later than two months before the wedding. If you’re selecting from a list of vows, review it carefully and choose the ones that most closely represent your feelings.

How will you be involved with the ceremony planning? Will you follow the duties listed above or will you be changing things up from tradition? Tell us in the comment section below.

3 Reasons You Should Write Your Own Vows

Wednesday, January 20th, 2010

So the big question is “Do you write your own vows?”  Or even “can you?”  I know I was a little scarred when my future wife told me we would be writing our own vows.  But I sat down and wrote what I think were some damn fine vows.  I made people cry so I took that as a good sign.  I do tell my grooms that if at all possible, write your own vows.  You can give her Hallmark cards and stuff written by other people for the rest of your life.  Make the wedding day special, man up and write them vows!

bigstockphoto_wedding_vows_6475655

It’s All About Each Other

At Firefly Occasions we work with both the Bride and the Groom to make sure the wedding day is a fusion of both their personalities.  Nothing infuses your wedding like writing your own vows.  You want them to be original, heartfelt and from you.  You don’t even have to memorize them, you get them to your officiant and they will have them with them in case they need to feed you a line or two.  We work with our couples to help them write their vows, separately of course, so the bride doesn’t know what the groom’s vows are and vice versa.

There’s Plenty Of Inspiration Out There

If you’re worried about finding content, DON’T BE!  People have been writing love songs for years, soap operas have been televising weddings since what feels like the dawn of time and even with reality shows like Nick and Jessica and Dave and Carmen have cropped up in the past few years.  Now I’m not saying lift stuff word for word.  I’m saying take a little from column A, a little from song B and mash it all together adding your own feel to it.  Most people in the audience won’t have a clue you lifted a line from a Sade song, and if they do…so what?

Your wedding vow goal: make a grown man cry

Your wedding vow goal: make a grown man cry

Not A Dry Eye In The Place

Nothing gets people going like a good set of vows.  Your family members and audience will be bawling like a child with a skinned knee.  I have seen this countless times.  A big, burly groom gets up there and all of a sudden these beautiful words spill from his mouth and all of a sudden, the entire audience is in tears.  It gets people talking about how cool it was they didn’t have to listen to “til death do us part, for richer and poorer…blah, blah, blah”.  Seriously, I hate to say it but I tend to tune out during the pre-written, used every day vows.  They are boring, I’m sorry but they are.

Simon’s Gutsy Groom Advice

If you can write your own vows, and if you think you can’t, step up and remember you love this women enough to buy dinner for 150 people so get to it and write them anyway.  This is your wedding day, you can’t use other peoples words to tell her how much you love her, it works fine for birthdays and Christmas and that stuff, but for this one day, YOUR DAY…tell her how much you love her in YOUR words.

It’s not that tough, as I said, there is inspiration all over the place.  I had a groom use some lines from Star Wars.  Myself, I used a few lines from different songs and a few odd lines from some films I like.  Plus if you’ve hired us, we’ll work with you one on one to get the best vows you can possibly have.  You don’t need to be Shakespeare, if I can do it, I’m sure you can.

Just remember to work “I Do” or something along those lines into the vows…


Simon Daykin is an award winning event designer, planner and groom stylist with Fire Fly Occasions. Simon strives to get grooms involved in the wedding planning process and have their opinions heard. He understands that grooms can get left out or pushed out of the planning process so he’s here to help. You can connect with him further on Google+.

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