Posts Tagged ‘Wedding Stress’

Groom Wedding Stress Relievers

Wednesday, August 19th, 2009

Feeling a little stressed from all the wedding planning?  Here are 10 simple solutions to help with that stress-level.

- Have glass of red wine: Just one…maybe two.  But, let’s try to keep it at that.

Gretchen suggests wine, but beer works as well.

Gretchen suggests wine, but beer has been known to work as well.

- Jog it off: A brisk walk or jog will assist with blood circulation and breathing, which will literally help you with rising stress-levels.

- Read a book: Ok, well…check out a magazine then – a “man-mag.”  I know, I know…it’ll be hard to stay away from your favorite bridal publication, but, please – resist the temptation.  Or else this stress-reliever will fail.

- Go for a drive:  You don’t need to make it to an actual destination.  There’s just something so relaxing and exciting about heading somewhere but going nowhere.  (Just be sure to call the Fiancée, and assure her you’re not “leaving”…you’ll be back for dinner!)

- Call up an old friend:  From “Twittering” to “Status Updates” on Facebook to text messaging – cell phones aren’t even used for talking anymore.  I say, use up some of those daytime minutes to call up a friend.  Who knows, this may lead to actually hanging out again! This leads me too…

- Hang out with the buddies: Get together with some friends for some male bonding.  “Non-bachelor party” type events are preferable.  How about bowling, or fishing or golf – friendly competition is always healthy and fun.

- Send your Mother some flowers:  Surprising mom with flowers can easily brighten not only her day, but yours!

- Volunteer: Doing something nice for someone always helps take the focus off of ‘your worlds’ stresses.

- Take a nap:   If you can’t afford a 1 hour nap – sometimes, all it takes is a little shut-eye to get your enthusiasm level back up, and your jitters down.

- Ask the Fiancée out on a date:  Who says romance has to end when the wedding planning begins?  It most certainly does not.  Watch a movie, have a nice dinner – reconnect and revive the love.

Marriage Lesson: Block and Tackle for Your Bride

Wednesday, June 10th, 2009

Elizbeth Doherty Thomas from TheFirstDance.com offers up some advice on handling conflicts that arise during wedding planning.

Don't forget to block for your bride (in life & in wedding day pick-up football)

Don’t forget to block for your bride (in life & in wedding day pick-up football)

There is a huge stressor out there in wedding land.  The stressor continues well into marriages, may peak with new children, and for some, never goes away until someone dies.

The stress?  In-laws.

When you’re just dating, life may be great.  Your parents like her.  She likes them.  That’s about as far as it goes.

Then the engagement ring comes and all hell breaks loose.  Your parents start becoming “difficult”.  Your bride starts going crazy.  You just want peace and harmony!  Never in your wildest dreams did you think you’d be getting yelled at from everyone you love.  At the same time.

So what’s a guy to do when he is being pulled by his two biggest loyalties – the people who raised him and the woman he’s marrying?

Our solution, from a marriage and family counseling perspective, is to follow our principle:  When there is conflict, blood talks to blood.  (A groom we worked with repeated this principle as the notion that he’s got to block and tackle for his bride.)

When there is conflict between your bride and your parents, there is no way to win.  Your bride doesn’t have the history with your parents.  She doesn’t have the loyalty and the ability to weather the storms the way you do as their son.  Not only that, but your parents aren’t going to listen and trust someone the way they’re going to listen and trust their own son.  Even if your bride gets into conflict with them, your parents will simply return to harassing you and demanding you listen to them.

So how do you actually implement this principle? It’s both easy and hard.

The easy part is you are going to tell your bride, starting NOW, she is off the hook for anything conflict-prone with your parents.  Forever.  (One bride we worked with had the biggest sigh of relief, knowing that she was no longer ever in charge of dealing with her difficult father-in-law.  The groom was happy for her relief and ready to take full charge knowing that it was fully his responsibility from now on.)

The hard part is getting your parents to stop going to your bride for conflict-filled wedding related items, especially if they’re of a more traditional mindset.  It can also be hard if they start talking nice on the phone and then lead into a heated argument and your bride is left trying to avoid the entire situation.  Your bride will need some coaching from you on how to avoid or end conflicted situations with your parents.  You know them best.  It may be as simple as your bride telling your parents, “this sounds like a Josh thing, so I’m going to end the conversation now and have him call you when he gets home.”  In the case of an email from your parents to her, she just forwards it on to you!

The other hard part is if you really don’t care but both sides REALLY do.  What we like to say is if your bride is complaining about your parents, and you don’t stick up for her, then her complaint isn’t about them at all.  It’s about YOU!  So now is the time to pony up and hash out whatever is driving her crazy, so you can resolve the situation.  Sometimes you may end up agreeing to go with her view point and then telling your parents.  Sometimes it may be you really disagree with her, you two work through your fight, and then you tell your parents that you both have chosen to follow their advice.  Either way, she is no longer going to be vilified as the evil woman in your life because you are going to pony up, blocking the anger against your bride.

But no matter what you do, always remember you are a united front with your bride.  And the same rules apply to HER!  If her parents are difficult, she has to deal with them in conflicted situations.

Wedding Stress Coaching at TheFirstDance.com

Wedding Stress Coaching at TheFirstDance.com

Elizabeth Doherty Thomas and Dr. Bill Doherty are a father-daughter team whose mission is to strengthen marriages through wedding planning.  Their nationally-award winning advice can be found on www.TheFirstDance.com.  They have been featured in a variety of magazines and newspapers across the country.  Their book and classes are used by marriage preparation programs around the country.  Dr. Doherty, as a national marriage expert, has been on Oprah, 20/20, all national morning news shows, and can usually be found somewhere in print or on the radio speaking about marriages and families.  His website is www.DrBillDoherty.org

When it Comes to Wedding Talk, Bite Your Tongue

Thursday, February 26th, 2009

My girlfriend, who just got married, said that the only times she and her fiance would get into a ‘disagreement’ was when he hadn’t had anything to eat.  Sometimes he’d not want to talk about the situation but would rather huff and puff about it, for no apparent reason.  But then an hour or so later, he would come back around, apologize, and blame it on his hunger.

zip-it-grooms

I have to admit, I’ve noticed my hubby in that same boat!  He gets all irritated and annoyed when I’m trying to talk to him about something he’d (normally on a full stomach) find interesting. So, does this prove that old saying correct?  “The way to a man’s heart IS through his stomach?” From what I gather, yes!

Grooms,  keep in mind that bride to be’s are super excited to share with you her wedding findings that day.  But, please do both of you a favor and let her know right away if you’re not ready to have a conversation about flowers, venue, or just anything wedding.  She’ll bite her tongue until you’ve had a bite to eat. It’ll save both of you time and grief!

We’re thrilled to have Gretchen Viles as a guest contributor on GroomsAdvice. Gretchen is editor & social media editor for WindWishes.com. WindWishes makes beautiful, affordable paper banners that are a groundbreaking new category in the paper products industry aimed at the keepsake and favors markets.

6 Tips on Dealing with Bridezilla

Friday, December 19th, 2008

Is that blissful stage of your engagement diminishing by the second and the reality of planning a wedding finally kicking in? The beautiful angelic glow your bride-to-be possessed early on, has transformed to the glisten of sweat and tear?

So, how can you help lower the anxiety level for your bride? The most important thing to do is to continuously let your lady know that she is not alone! Emphasize that you are in this wedding together and that she need not carry the “burden” of planning all by herself. On that note, here are some suggestions to help ease the planning pains for your bride-to-be!

Shut up and listen guys!

Shut up and listen guys!

Listen, Just Listen – Your sweetie will want to vent about her troubles. Just straight up, zip it and don’t say a word unless you’re asked a question. This may be a difficult task, especially if you want to give her advice…but, really, just listen! Your time to share words of wisdom can come later.

Signed, Sealed and Delivered - Go out and buy your honey a thank-you card! Thank her for all the hard work and late nights she’s putting into planning your wedding. It’s simple but so expressive, and you know us girls like that! All you have to do is sign it, seal it and deliver it! When she gets it in the mail, your babe will have a big smile on her face, and for at least a moment, she’ll be relieved of wedding planning stress.

Swedish or Thai – Massages are a favorite stress level reducer for just about anyone. But go one step further and make the appointment for her. Whether it’s a foot, hand, back or full body, this special treat will rejuvenate her senses and her spirit!

Plan a movie night to get her mind off of wedding planning

Plan a movie night to get her mind off of wedding planning

Time away - Dedicate one day a week to “NO WEDDING PLANNING!” Do something completely non-wedding related on the chosen night! Emphasize that taking a step back is quite healthy and can actually help her focus better!

She Needs her Girls – Make reservations at her favorite spot for her and her bestest girlfriends! She’ll LOVE you for recognizing that thought you’re getting married, she’ll always need her girlfriends!

Be THE MAN power - So, this one is the most obvious of all tips. Offer help as much as possible. Take on the task of creating and maintaining your wedding website. Offer to pick things up for her. Assemble invitations, party favors, gift bags, or any other DIY project your fiancee is taking on.

There may be times when she’ll want to bite your head off for trying so hard to be there for her. But, when all is said and done…and you’re talking about the wedding and the planning and the hardships…you’ll be at the top of her rewards list!

We’re thrilled to have Gretchen Viles as a guest contributor on GroomsAdvice. Gretchen is editor & social media editor for WindWishes.com. WindWishes makes beautiful, affordable paper banners that are a groundbreaking new category in the paper products industry aimed at the keepsake and favors markets.

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Non-wedding totally awesome link of the day – Check out the top ten special effects scenes of 2008.

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