It should be pretty easy to tell if she’s happy with the engagement ring. Tears of joy are generally a good sign. The ten things listed below are not!

10.) She “accidentally” cuts off her finger so she doesn’t have to wear it.

9.) She only wears it while doing yard work or working with heavy-duty machinery.

8.) The first words out of her mouth are: “I haven’t been this disappointed since I first saw you without pants on.”

7.) After putting on the ring, the first thing she does is remove all of the drain covers in the house.

6.) She is actively trying to talk you out of getting it insured.

5.) At this very moment, she’s down at the pawn shop trying to trade it in for a used VCR.

4.) She keeps saying that she doesn’t remember “crap” being one of the 4 C’s?

3.) She tells you that unless you exchange it for a new one, she’s going to give new meaning to the term “blood diamond.”

2.) You tell her that you’ve also purchased the matching wedding band and she jumps out the window.

1.) As she’s showing it off to her family, you overhear her say: “I know it’s small and ugly, but my next husband will make up for it.”

10.) It’s you and your parents in the basement watching Wheel of Fortune.

9.) You ordered a stripper named Erin. You got a stripper named Aaron.

8.) You just ran out of game tokens for skee-ball and that giant mouse keeps trying to drag you into the ball pit.

7.) Instead of a beautiful woman, a homeless man named Jimbo has just jumped out of your cake.

6.) The hot waitress at Hooter’s that you’ve been admiring from behind turns out to be your fiance. Surprise!

5.) You told your Best Man you wanted a bachelor party in Las Vegas, NV. You got a bachelor party in Las Vegas, NM.

4.) It’s 3:30am and you can’t find a single tattoo removal service that’s open.

3.) The Best Man was just kicked out of the gentlemen’s club for asking a stripper for change.

2.) Somehow, you’re the designated driver.

1.) It’s 8:30 and you’re already in bed.

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Check out  more Top Ten lists here.

If you enjoyed 10 Things Not to Say to the Bride, we think you’ll like ‘10 Things You Don’t Want to Hear From Her on the Wedding Day’ even more.

10.) Honey, please make me a promise that you’ll never Google my name.

9.) Does the 20th or 21st of each month work better for doing that sex thing?

8.) Are you sad about seeing your friends for the last time tonight at the reception?

7.) Don’t expect any cool gifts. I deleted your Man Registry three weeks ago.

6.) My private investigator followed you to your bachelor party. We need to talk.

5.) Now that we’re married, I guess I can stop exercising.

4.) Goodbye Sportscenter. Hello cuddle parties.

3.) You. Me. Your Best Man. Tonight. What do ya say?

2.) I hate to spring this on you last-minute, but I wanted to let you know that my parents are coming on our honeymoon with us.

And drumroll….

1.) Just think hubby, we’ll be parents by this time next year!

If you think you’ll enjoy being chased out of your own wedding by a shotgun-wielding bride, then go ahead and say all of the things below:

10.) Please don’t end up like your mother.

9.) Wow. That bridesmaid dress really brings out your sister’s rack.

8.) Can the cake cutting wait for a minute or two? I’ve gotta go re-fill my flask.

7.) Honey, I know it’s not the best time… but there’s something I really need to tell you about the bachelor party.

6.) Have you given any thought yet to any of the meals you’ll be cooking me over the next 60 years?

5.) Seriously. How many dudes have you slept with? I’ve got a bet with your dad.

4.) Wait, I was supposed to actually memorize those vow things? I thought that was a joke.

3.) I know you said my ex couldn’t come to the actual wedding, but I seriously thought it was OK if she came to the reception.

2.) Was the dress not available in your size?

And drumroll…

1.) So, do you think we’ll last?