Having trouble putting your thoughts and emotions into words for your toast? With so many things to say, it’s difficult to adequately convey  feelings to your new wife. While we can’t tell you exactly what to say, we can tell you what NOT to say. Check out our list below for areas to avoid.

10.) “I knew my strip club days were over when I met you.”

9.) “I realized I’m finally ready to sleep with one woman for the rest of my life: you.”

8.) “I can’t wait for you to cook me awesome dinners every night once we’re man and wife.”

7.) “To have and to hold, unless there’s sickness or bad health.”

6.) “We’ve got so much to look forward to: Monday Night Football, paintball on the weekends, video games.. I could go on for hours!”

5.) “In my heart, I really think this thing is going to work out.”

4.) “And when your dad told me that there was no way in hell he’d let you marry me, I told him that nothing can stand in the way of true love. Not even the $200,000 check he tried to buy me off with.”

3.) “No one cleans house like you do, babe. No one.”

2.) “I used to go for looks, but with you it’s all about the personality.”

1.) “Your love is my drug.”

There's certainly not enough talk of explosions on wedding blogs.

Last month, our friends over at Gigmasters blogged about the 10 Most Over-Used Words on Wedding Blogs. I have to admit that it was a genius idea for a post. We’re all certainly aware of those words that seem to appear in every paragraph of every blog post about wedding planning. At what point does it become overkill? And then it hit us… what if we replaced those over-used words with better, more awesome words? Words that Jack Bauer would use.

Sure, we’re a men’s blog… but we think that the wedding blogosphere could benefit from a vocabulary reboot. Check out our suggestions and associated topics below:

10. Explosion - Can also sub “pyrotechnics” and “detonation” at this spot.

9. Liquid Courage – Some guys need that extra little push before giving the dreaded toast.

8. Full contact – Learn how to properly tackle those unwanted guests.

7. Hostage negotiation – Here’s the scenario: your bride has been kidnapped by your crazy uncle. He’s demanding a seat at the head table.

6. Fantasy football – Groom’s inspiration board theme.

5. Tattoos – The do’s and don’ts of getting your bride’s name tattooed across your chest.

4. Torque – Battling that honey-do list requires maximum torque.

3. Bacon – If your menu doesn’t include it, you’re doing something wrong.

2. Heavy metal – There’s nothing like a mosh pit at a wedding.

1. Ménage à trois – Use your imagination.

—

What other words do you think should be a part of this list? Let us know in the comments section.

We’ve all been to our fair share of lame weddings. Here’s ten signs that the wedding you’re attending will go down in history — for all the wrong reasons.

10.) There’s a $15 cover charge.

9.) Every guest is required to slow dance with the groom’s Uncle Mort.

8.) The menu lists the same item for appetizer, dinner and dessert — Spam Surprise.

7.) Two and a half hours into the ceremony, the officiant lets everyone out for the “halftime” bathroom break.

6.) Due to an odd mix-up at the florist, each dinner table is adorned with Poison Ivy.

5.) It’s being live-streamed to Myspace.

4.) The bride and groom just left the reception early to go get a head start on writing their thank-you notes.

3.) The venue double booked the ballroom, so you’re sharing the reception space with the annual meeting of the North American Tarantula Owner’s Club.

2.) The band only knows songs by Creed.

1.) Your MC for the evening: Charlie Sheen.

—-

Let’s keep this list going. Post your additions in the comments section below.

Looking forward to the honeymoon is often what gets couples through the stress of wedding planning. However the honeymoon can be stressful, too. Check out our ten signs that the post-wedding vacation isn’t going exactly as planned.

10.) Her mom and dad just showed up.

9.) You thought your travel agent booked you tickets to Key West, Florida. You ended up with tickets to Key West, Iowa.

8.) She just changed into her swimsuit. Her legs are harrier than yours.

7.) While helping her unpack, you notice a book in her luggage titled “How to Drug Your New Husband, Rob Him Blind and Leave Him For Dead in the Mexican Desert.”

6.) The “romantic serenade” that the resort advertised is actually just a monkey playing a banjo.

5.) Your cruise director: Gilbert Gottfried

4.) The first thing she did upon arrival was tweet “FML”

3.) Every time she calls the hot Italian maintenance man to the room, she makes you leave to go get her food.

2.) You saved yourselves for marriage… but now she’s telling you she wants to wait for the 5-year anniversary.

1.) You’re already divorced.

——

Do you have anything to add to this list? What else would make for a disastrous honeymoon? Let us know in the comments.

Sick of the same old wedding bands and DJ’s? Today, our friend Drew Stoga from GigMasters.com drops by with a few options to consider when looking for your wedding entertainment – if you want to opt for something out of the ordinary.

1. Elvis

In 2010, 222 couples booked Elvis Impersonators for their weddings through GigMasters! The King is very much alive and well.

2. Marilyn Monroe

Amazingly, Marilyn is a very popular pick for weddings – both receptions AND ceremonies.

3. Santa

Maybe a little bit cheesy but if you are having a winter wedding, Santa can keep the kids entertained.

4. The Three Waiters

This trio is not (yet) a GigMasters performer, but we love them anyway.

5. Ben Franklin

Yes, we have actually booked Ben Franklin impersonators for weddings…seriously.

—

Would you consider hiring one of these entertainers? Do you have other ideas for out-of-the-ordinary wedding entertainment? Let us know in the comment section below.