By Guest Blogger OneWed.com

I was at a wedding recently where I had to perform an emergency intervention. A friend of the bride’s decided that she wanted to give a “toast.” The girl is very funny, and well known for giving a good speech.

At a lot of weddings a funny, impromptu speech would be fine, but I happened to know that the bride and groom expressly did NOT want any toasts at all. They are both very shy and they also had a few relatives they were concerned about being inappropriate.  So, they decided not to open the floodgates by letting people on mic.

Luckily, the girl was not shy about sharing her plans for a toast. I heard about them, double checked with the bride, and was able to explain the “floodgate” issue to her. Toast crisis averted.

It all reminded me though how many little things brides and grooms often forget to share with other people. Whether you hire a professional “day of coordinator” or just have some friends responsible for keeping track of things, make sure to share info like this.

There will always be wedding day surprises, but letting others in on your plans will help keep them to a minimum.

Best Man Toast Generator (click to get started)

We tested the generator out and here’s what we came up with (a perfectly legit wedding toast that I will recite at my friend Lebron’s wedding later this summer).

I met LeBron when we were 19. Right away, I knew he was a salty kid and the perfect friend for me. He was always a hit with the ladies even at the young age of 19. I remember his best line was “For feet like yours I would jump the biggest salad. Then along came Sally and everything changed. It takes a tall girl to tame the hedgehog that is LeBron. I remember they met at Cleveland and within the space of 23 shots he was wearing her mini-skirt and she had installed  all over his VCR. Ladies and gentlemen I ask you to raise your glasses for Sally and LeBron. May they live furiously  ever after and have greasy babies.

After you get done creating your speech over at Firefly, come back and paste it below in the comments. We’re looking forward to seeing the great (and not so great) ones.

1.) Drunk Luke Wilson in ‘Old School’

Best Line – “True love is hard to find. Sometimes you think you have true love and then you catch the early flight home from San Diego and a couple of nude people jump out of your bathroom blindfolded like a damn magic show ready to double team your girlfriend.

2.) Michael Scott Toasts Bob Vance and Phyliss on ‘The Office’

Best line – Vintage Michael Scott is at work in this toast from ‘Phyliss’ Wedding’. “Webster’s Dictionary defines ‘wedding’ as the fusing of two metals with a hot torch. Well, you know something? I think you guys are two metals… gold medals”

3.) Steve Buscemi as the Screw-up Little Brother  Toasting Big Brother in ‘The Wedding Singer’

Best Line - “Why can’t you be more like your brother? Harold would never beat up his landlord”

4.) Parade of  Creepy Toasts at the Culhane Wedding on Hugh Laurie Hosted ‘Saturday Night Live’

Best Line – “OK I got it. It was 27 years ’cause I wasn’t factoring in my Dodge Aztec.”

5.) The Wolfpack Members Enjoy a Pre-Bachelor Party Toast in ‘The Hangover’

Best Line – “Hello. How ’bout that ride in? I guess that’s why they call it Sin City. Hahaha.” (video here)

——

Which famously funny wedding speeches did we forget about? Let us know in the comments.

Groom wedding toast advice from Simon Daykin:

By Guest Blogger: Simon Daykin

Homer Simpson once said…”If I could just say a few words…I’d be a much better public speaker.”  I have grooms come to me all freaked out over their speech.  Truth be told, honestly, it ain’t that bad.   Most of us I’m sure had “speech day” in school growing up yes?  So you got through that and you will get through this as well.  Plus, this is you speaking to the women you love and the people who helped you get to this point in your life.  So this week I wanted to open up my vault of wedding planning advice and bestow upon you my “quick and nasty” tips for writing and giving a great speech.

Play it smooth and compliment the bride and bridemaids on looking great.

Don’t Make Me Get the Soap

Keep it appropriate!  There may be kids in the audience.  Even if there aren’t any kids, odds are your grandparents may be in attendance and you don’t want to make a fool of yourself in front of them, not to mention your parents…oh and your new wife’s parents.  So no foul language, no dirty jokes or stories and let’s not make this a drinking game…”but…um”.  Tell a nice story about how you met and fell in love with your wife.  Regale them with tales of your best man and groomsmen, but keep it PG, PG-13 tops!  Don’t talk about the wild time you had at your stag or how you got left in Mexico and all you got “was a lousy T-shirt”.

You Look Mah-vel-ass…

Make sure you mention (a few times at least) how good your bride looks, and why stop there?  It never hurts to mention how good the bridesmaids look and mention the maid of honor as well.  Have your mum and the mum of the bride stand up, introduce them again and say how great they are and how good they look that night.  Mention the bride’s family, your family, maybe tell a little story about how you met your new wife’s family and how your family molded you into the grand man you are today.  Funny stories always keep the crowd in the palm of your hand.  Just don’t drone on, and on, and on, and on, and…you get the idea.

Thank Them All

Seriously, thank everyone!  Thank your Bride, both the families, the wedding party, the people who drove 3 hours, hell, thank the people who drove 5 minutes if you have any, the people who got on a plane, the hotel staff, the person who did the flowers, the cake designer, the guy who drove the cab to get your drunk groomsmen back to the hotel the night before, thank the DJ or band (even if it’s ahead of time.)  Thanking the hotel and serving staff is a great way to ensure that everyone’s glasses are filled,  and that the service is great for the rest of the night.  You get the idea, thank them all.  And if you can, thank your wedding planner.

Simon’s Gutsy Groom Advice

So now you know what to include in that speech of yours.  So when you have it written, practice delivering it in front of the mirror a few times.  Time it out to make sure you don’t hit the 15 minute mark, people will get bored.  Once you have the timing down, add in some great hand gestures and make up cards that have the MAIN talking points on them.  Hints not full sentences guys.  Run through the speech again with your new cards and you’re good to go.
Try to lay off the sauce until you have delivered your speech.  That is not to say you can’t drink at all, but don’t get right pillared!  You spent a lot of time on that speech and the last thing you want to do is slur your way through it.  So unprofessional!  Plus you’ll look like a classic fool in front of everyone and I don’t want any of Grooms looking silly.  That just won’t do.  So be cool…a wee nip of courage is OK, but not so much that you feel you can invade a small country or rob a bank.

So if you read all the way to this: here is the short list……

* Appropriate story about how you met your Bride
* Thank your groomsmen
* Mention how good your Bride looks
* Mention how good the bridal party looks
* Mention the Bride’s family in some way
* Mention your family
* Thank all parties involved in the wedding
* Mention all members of the audience that travelled
* Thank the hotel and their staff
* Pound chest twice and toss up the peace sign….just wanted to see if you were paying attention.