Whether you are in the dog house or just genuinely want to show your fiancée how much she means to you, make sure that you bring the romance back into your relationship to show her how much you care about her. Plenty of people complain about romance being over-rated, but it often makes the difference between having a satisfied fiancée and one that is thrilled, so be sure to consider surprising her with one (or more!) of the following tips.

Romance Her With Food

Most people love to eat and, as they say, the way to a girl’s heart is through her stomach. If your fiancée is a foodie, you cant go wrong with something that is elegant, delicious and attractively plated. Anyone can get their girlfriend chocolate covered strawberries, but remember that presentation is everything. Place the chocolate covered strawberries on a white plate and drizzle them with a thin stream of dark or white chocolate. A little bit goes a long way!

Surprise Her With Comfort

We all have points in the day when we just can’t get comfortable. If you know that she’s going to be walking home from work or school, or when you can see that she is getting cold, offer her something to change her situation. Come pick her up without being asked or bring her a blanket. These little things show you’re thinking about her on a day-to-day basis, and that can make all the difference.

Make Her Something

Too many people don’t realize how talented they are. Think about what you are good at and then use your skills to come up with a gift for your girl. Whether you are woodworker, a game designer, a knitter or a singer, you’ll find that there are things that you can do for her that no one else can. Things like this can make a huge difference to how she feels about you, showcasing your personality and talents as well as making her feel as though you’ve made a real effort. Making your girlfriend something is a great way to keep things personal.

Kidnap Her

No, we don’t mean abduction, we mean sweeping her off her feet and away from it all. Tell your girlfriend to clear her schedule and to trust you. Take her off for an outing to a place that she didn’t expect, whether it is a camping trip, a fun new restaurant or just a walk by the lake. A small (or large!) change of scenery and routine is a fantastic choice to bring back the romance.

The most important thing is that when you want get that spark in your relationship re-ignited, don’t just sit around; be proactive and romance her in ways she’ll never forget!

Today we’re honored to have the cake pimp himself, Earl Anderson (aka Mr. Frostings), contributing a guest post to the blog. His topic: the trials and tribulations of building a “second story.” Take it away, Earl.

“There are eight million stories in the naked city, this is one of them.” I always loved that line from Naked City, a TV show I used to watch in reruns as a kid.

This story is about marriage. My second one to be exact, as such, its my Second Story.

I am certainly not the only one on their second story. According to Marriage101.org, 41% of first marriages end in divorce (note, I didn’t say “fail”). The bad news is that it gets worse from there; 60% of second marriages and 71% of third marriages also end in divorce. We love repeat customers, but truth is, I would much rather get the call for anniversary cakes.

Oblivious to those figures, at twenty-five and madly in love, I planned a forever with Number One. I am convinced that all superheroes are twenty-five because you are never smarter or more invincible than you are at twenty-five. I was flushed with the genius of my proposal, my amazing taste, and the surety of lifelong wedded bliss. I knew that this relationship was Liz Taylor and Richard Burton, Elvis and ‘cilla or, at the very least, John and Yoko.  It was too. For the first sixteen years. But, it ended.

Moving on.

Marriage is an addicting lifestyle. Withdrawal from that life is painful and it hurts everyone differently. For some, waking up alone in the morning is the hardest part. For me, it was turning the light off and going to sleep alone. Embarrassed and defensive, my shields were up at full power. I was clueless to what exactly I was missing or where I really hurt. To say that I was a lost soul in my own life is a vast understatement.

Emotionally crippled and morally ambivalent, I set out to be the star of my own story, which I called; “Confessions of a Serial Dater: Sleeping in the wet spot”. I spent almost ten years dating, acting like the third date was a carcinogen and thinking that if I didn’t hurry, I would somehow run out of women in the greater Los Angeles area.

Then, suddenly, out of nowhere appeared a woman that was not going to be trifled with or taken for granted. Maybe I was ready or maybe I was just open. It’s possible that the therapy helped and that my Zen practice allowed me to discover what it was that really mattered to me. I think that she just reminded me that life is built for two and mine was now ready for us. I loved her before I recognized it or could defend myself from it. I proposed, she set a date, and off we went.

When you first marry, you learn that she isn’t always date ready, and can be just as big a mess as you are, at times. You may have visualized a clean house, clean laundry and hot meals. Trouble comes when you realize she was thinking the same thing.  You learn to compromise and share responsibilities. You assign jobs and set boundaries. Easy peasy, lemon squeezy. You’re happy to learn how to be a good partner.  Long gone are the ideas of “wife duties” and “husband duties”

You enter the Second Story differently. You have already learned where the land mines are right? Call when you’re running late, do your share of the dishes without being asked, and never, ever, make fun of her Mother or admire how nice her sister looks. If you’re ready for this second relationship, you’re also ready to do more than lawn care and auto maintenance, you can do the laundry too.

We also benefit from being prepared for the reality of living with someone. Awkward moments are gone! Coming into this relationship we have accepted that our Angel is likely to fart in bed, morning breath no longer scares us, and a little pillow drool is acceptable. You are convinced that you know how to be a partner, and damn it, this time you’re going to get it right!!

It was quite shocking when I realized that my prior knowledge was just a starting point. Thinking I could use an old map to get to a new destination was just wrong. This is more than just a new partner, more than a new relationship. This is a new marriage. It needed a new map.

Marriage is inherently the sum of its parts. It’s details, details. Some things mean nothing, but some things mean everything. There’s danger in learning that a kiss goodbye before I leave the house is everything, if that’s all I ever learn about this new relationship. If I want this marriage to work, then I better keep trying and I better keep learning.  It’s a moving target.

I taught my sons that the key to having good friends is to be a good friend. Trust and loyalty is earned by being trusting and loyal. There is no place for selfishness in a marriage. The minute I ask myself “Where’s mine”, she has the right to point down the street and help me along my way.

I’m learning a lot from my second marriage. Most importantly, it’s really not a Second Story after all. It’s my second chance at a First Story together.
—

Earl Anderson, AKA “Mr Frostings” is a life long Californian living a short 40 miles from where he was born. Along with his duties as Cake Pimp and Head cheerleader for Fantasy Frostings, Earl is the Purchasing Manager for a Packaging Supply manufacture in Fontana, CA. His self described “Brady Bunch” family includes his two sons, two daughters, two grandchildren, Henry the dog and two cats that have adopted the entire bunch.

Relationships and technology have a long, interesting history

By Steve Cooper, Hitched Media

The relationship of technology and marriage has a long history. I’m sure at some point during the Stone Age a woman was frustrated because her mate wouldn’t step away from the fire and come to bed. More recently, televisions became places of congregation for couples and families. Today, our unions are intertwined with smartphones, tablets, social networks and more. The current tech du jour is Facebook. The question we have to ask is, are these tools good for marriages or bad? The answer: potentially both.

I’m sure you’ve heard the statistic that Facebook is responsible for 20 percent of divorces in the United States. That’s false! Husband and wife team, Jason and Kelli Krafsky, co-authors of “Facebook and Your Marriage” have written a great article debunking this statistic. In short, not only is the number wrong, but the number doesn’t even represent Facebook as a causal factor in break-ups. That’s not to say that Facebook can’t become a tool that will inflict damage on your marriage.

Marlo Gottfurcht, author of “Love, Marriage…and Facebook” filled her book with stories told to her of salacious online encounters that did damage to marriages. Many start off innocently enough, but then a chat window pops up from an old flame and a few poor decisions later and the chat history is getting erased in an attempt to cover up the virtual fling.

“If you’re on Facebook and hiding what you’re doing, then that’s definitely a red flag,” says Gottfurcht.

That’s why the Krafskys (www.socialmediacouple.com) established a few personal rules to keep their marriage safe—one of them is not to use the chat feature.

Don't let your Facebook get you into trouble. Set some ground rules with your wife.

“Everybody is about two-to-three clicks away from making a bad decision on Facebook, especially when you’ve got somebody that you had a past emotional or physical bond with,” says Jason.

The other big rule the Krafskys follow is to not “friend” exes.

“We learned early on that it’s not a positive thing for our relationship,” says Jason. “And not that we were threatened by that personally; the question was, ‘How is this going to improve our marriage?’”

New technologies present a game without rules. Each couple needs to openly discuss what those rules should be, weighting the potential dangers against the benefits. The Krafskys have done this in all aspects of their life. For example, neither will ride in a car (a more established technology) alone with a person of the opposite sex.

Of course, technology persists because it generally does more good than harm. There are many apps and tools that help organize the daily routines of families. In terms of Facebook, the Krafskys use it to keep in touch when one of them is out of town. The couple has also created a private group for their family members to share pictures of their kids.

In her book, Gottfurcht tells a story of a wife who gets revved up in an online chat then takes that sexual energy to the bedroom with her husband. Depending on the couple, this exercise may be dancing a little too close to the danger zone, but for others it might provide the spark to rekindle their boring sex life.

“There’s one story in the book where a husband and wife have Facebook sex when he’s out of town,” says Gottfurcht, “so if you find you’re using it with others, maybe you need to stop and think about spicing up your own marriage and use it with your spouse.”

Without proper communication between a husband and wife, technology can create a minefield out of a playground. Think of the damage that can be done in the following situations: the backseat of a car turns into a snogging nook, a sultry picture turns a text message to a sext, and video chatting on your smartphone makes things much more intimate and personal.

Now imagine doing these things with your spouse! When you have good dialogue and clear boundaries on how your tech tools are to be used, they can be very enriching to your marriage.

—

How do you and your wife/significant other handle Facebook? Do you have certain ground rules like not friending exes? Or is it a free-for-all? Tell us your story in the comments section below.

Are you and your fiancee/spouse celebrating Valentine's Day this year?

By Steve Cooper, Hitched Media

I’ll be the first to admit that not long ago, I would have been quick to declare that Valentine’s Day is nothing more than a “Hallmark” holiday. You know, “It’s just a reason for greeting card companies to push more product.” While they certainly capitalize on the holiday, I had an epiphany that brought me on board with the celebration.

Even before the light bulb went off above my head, I still celebrated Valentine’s Day and even enjoyed the holiday, although a certain piece of me felt it was contrived. Why should the calendar dictate when I show my sweetheart affection? Restaurants certainly don’t make me feel warm and fuzzy, raising their prices every year for this one night of candle-lit romance.

But don’t you see? That’s the problem. Not the prices, but that this happens just once a year. (Okay, so the prices can be excessive sometimes.) I was talking with one of our Hitched experts a few years ago and something in our conversation struck me. I don’t remember the topic of the conversation, but within our discussion it dawned on me that outside of our weddings and anniversaries, most of us don’t seek out to honor our relationships. Heck, a common complaint is that men don’t even remember anniversaries.

I actually think it’s good that we have a system in this country that commercializes love and romance. It’s nice to think of all the dollars that are spent to promote such a good cause. Can commercials and advertisements promoting love really be that damaging? Of course they’re self-serving, but as we zip past our husbands and wives throughout the days, months and years, isn’t it nice to know that there are forces out there working to remind us to slow down and take our spouses out for a night of romance?

A new survey by BIGresearch for the National Retail Federation estimates that $15.7 billion will be spent on Valentine’s Day this year. Spouses and significant others are projected to spend an average of $68.98 on gifts and dates. Research has shown that married couples who engage in new experiences with each other are likely to be happier over the long term. Of course, this doesn’t mean that you need to spend money for a new experience, but the holiday is a terrific opportunity to step out of your comfort zone and reconnect.

If you still aren’t convinced that Valentine’s Day is a good thing, I have a few final questions for you. When was the last time you went on a date with your spouse? When was the last time you dedicated one night just to romance? When was the last time you shared something with your spouse as a token of your appreciation, love and respect? If your answer is more than 30 days for any of these, you’re overdue.

Embrace this day of flowers and cupids. Put in a little extra effort to show your husband or wife that you don’t take them for granted. Let them know that you’re still hot for them and that you’re up to the challenge to woo them—even if they’re expecting it. Be nostalgic. Be creative. Be daring. Be sexy. Be romantic. Be your spouse’s valentine!

—-

What are you and your fiancee/spouse planning for Valentine’s Day? Are you celebrating? If not, why? Let us know in the comments section below.

The Roomba... batterized for her pleasure.

By Guest Blogger Madman of The Groom Says

As soon as you got engaged, you immediately thought to yourself, “I win!” And win you did, champ. You managed to beat out all those other guys. All of the men who secretly (or not so secretly) doted on your woman had officially missed their chance. Go you.

But in the haze of your engagement high, you completely ignored the possibility that she could still find comfort in the arms of a home appliance. Panini presses, espresso makers, the Magic Bullet — these machines that we interact with on a daily basis don’t share our principles. As far as they’re concerned, ring or no ring, the woman of the house is up for grabs. And that Roomba’s been getting a bit handsy.

Rather than hosting an impulsive yard sale, maybe take this opportunity to take some clues from the competition. What does that damn Roomba have that you don’t?

He works independently.

The Roomba needs no to-do list. She’ll be in the office, and he’ll be working the kitchen. She’ll be running an errand, and he’ll be spot cleaning that trouble area beneath the bathroom sink. You don’t have that kind of initiative. You need to be told which shoes need picking up; which clothes need laundering; and which dishes most urgently need washing. Take a clue from your low-riding adversary and start brushing your teeth before she asks you to do so.

He expresses his feelings.

You’re worse than an infant. This is one of those things women talk about in private with other women. You get in these weird moods and have these illogical reactions and she’s supposed to — what? Read your mind? Feed, rock, burp and change you until you’re satisfied? Instead, take a hint from the Roomba and adopt some troubleshooting indicators. The Roomba beeps and blinks and pulses and even speaks in a soothing, feminine voice. When’s the last time you spoke in a soothing, feminine voice?

He has replaceable parts.

You’re still wearing t-shirts from high school.

She can turn him off.

The Roomba can be powered down. He can be scheduled and docked and charged. And if she ever leaves him on for too long, he dies. It’s empowerment at its finest. You, on the other hand, do not come with an OFF switch. God knows she’s looked for it. You’re constantly going, constantly moving, constantly ON. Even in sleep mode, you’re still going … still breathing heavily, still snoring uncontrollably, still mumbling incoherently about a large dog that stole your change. So aside from testing out those Breathe Right strips that she’s been bugging you about, try to give her a few minutes of uninterrupted peace every once in a while. And find some closure with that big dog, for chrissake.

He comes with a lifetime guarantee.

The Roomba’s guarantee came with purchase in a crisp plastic sleeve. Your guarantee was scribbled on the back of a hotel cocktail napkin hours after the rehearsal dinner, almost legible despite all of the shot glass smudges. He vowed to satisfy for eternity; you vowed to not pass gas in public. His oath came with a gold seal; yours rhymed (occasionally). Just remember that a guarantee is only as good as the man that it came with … and while you may not come with a seal, you plan to listen and communicate and change and age to perfection. Yeah. Take that, stupid robot.

—-

Madman is the founder and editor of The Groom Says — a real groom’s blog that details a year of wedding planning from the guy’s perspective. Check it out for inspiration from Brian (aka Madman) as he recounts the planning of his October 2010 wedding. You can also follow The Groom Says on Twitter.

Do you take initiative in your relationship? What are some areas where you could improve yourself? Open up and share with us in the comments section below.