By Guest Blogger Madman of The Groom Says

Most of our wedding decisions begin by overturning tradition and slapping etiquette in the face. Wedding guides and how-to’s will steer you toward the “customary” or the “typically,” whereas my 2E’s and I like to start from scratch. Start fresh. In order words, “What’s the purpose of this part of the process, and what are the most effective means to that end?”

We’ve coined this process “the scenic route.”

Take rehearsal dinners for instance — the name implies that it’s a dinner for those who attended or participated in the wedding rehearsal (or perhaps a chance for certain troublesome guests to rehearse eating a full course meal) … but what it really is is an opportunity for your immediate families and their guests to shake hands and swap stories and share a few laughs before chaos ensues the following evening … for two unique families to blend into one on behalf of two lovestruck kids. Two becomes one and stuff.

So what says “our mothers have never met before” like a traditional paintball fight?

THE PAINTBALL SCENARIO
Customarily the groom’s family will pitch in for the entry fee, gear, goggles, paintballs and equipment, and the couple will cover any additional costs. Traditionally, the escort cards are hung from the barrels of the guns as they lay across the glass display case — names printed on colored stationery matching the color of your designated team. Mixing up the bloodlines might be best, as the prospect of her brood delivering swift justice to your brood is just too embarrassing to face. Ideally the bride and groom would be on opposing teams as the first of the couple to “take down” the other determines who wears the pants in the household. A BBQ dinner is typically served buffet-style on the various bunkers throughout the field.

THE BAR CRAWL SCENARIO
What better way to build a familial bond between the groom’s and bride’s families than to pressure them into an irresponsible evening of straight boozing. The image of your brother escorting your fiancee’s sloppy drunk uncle to a nearby alleyway is one you’ll never forget. Proper rehearsal dinner etiquette states that the groom’s parents are responsible for the first five “public houses” on the tour, and any purchases beyond that are the responsibility of each inebriated individual. Dinner is the responsibility of the couple and typically includes fried calamari, potato skins and mediocre buffalo wings.

THE MEDIEVAL TIMES SCENARIO
Etiquette calls for awesomeness, so book a local barn for the evening, set up folding chairs along the perimeter, hang flood lights from the flimsy rafters overhead and pick up some lances from your neighborhood … lance store. Tradition states that men compete and observe while the wenches (i.e. women) serve meat on the bone; but never mind tradition. Get those wenches on horses and watch them battle for holiday visitation rights. Everything is the groom’s responsibility because — for god’s sake, dude — no one is going to think you can actually pull this off, especially your wife-to-be. Dinner will be whatever your future mother-in-law can throw together because you’ll be in serious debt after they’ve charged your credit card in the amount of barn + equine expenses + chairs + flood lights + medieval garb, and that’s not including the additional expense you’ll incur when your cousin drinks too much brew and lances that horse in the eye. Whatever. You’ll all laugh about it at your 50th anniversary.

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The Groom Says is a real groom’s blog that details a year of wedding planning from the guy’s perspective. Check it out for daily posts and inspiration from Brian (aka Madman) as he plans his October 2010 wedding. You can also follow The Groom Says on Twitter. DO IT NOW!

Guest Blogger Profile: Jennifer Napier of OneWed.com

Like grilling? A backyard BBQ rehearsal dinner can be the perfect low key event.

In the middle of wedding planning, planning one more event can seem like a slow death by water torture. But, the rehearsal dinner, can be a great outlet for you, the groom, to let your personality shine.

Typically, the dinner is held at someone’s house or a restaurant and is a more casual event than the wedding. If your suggestions for barbeque or pizza were rejected for the wedding itself, you can feel free to bring them out for the rehearsal dinner. This is also a great time for a sports-themed or funny groom’s cake.

Most importantly though, the rehearsal dinner is a more intimate event than the wedding. You’ll be surrounded only by your nearest and dearest, so feel free to let your friends get a little emotional and personal with their toasts, and feel free to do the same yourself—you big softy.

Guest Blogger Profile: Simon Daykin

Now I like a good party as much as the next guy, actually I enjoy it more than the next guy, but you need to know when to say when and how much you can take.  I have seen countless grooms and guests get right hammered not only at the wedding but at events leading up to the wedding.  Some have been funny, but some were just uncalled for and way over the top.  You need to know when you can hit the bar and when you need to hang back and just maintain the buzz.  From my years of experience of attending and partaking, I humbly offer you the following advice.

Wedding drinking: yay or nay?

The Bachelor Party

Since the beginning of time, the bachelor party has been a rite of passage for the groom and a good old fashioned booze up!  But beware, it’s also the time your friends will try to get you back for all the crap you have piled on them in the years past.  I had a groom head off for a stag only to get waaaay too drunk and his friends thought it would be a good idea to draw all over him, and I do mean ALL over him with permanent sharpie marker.  Funny at the time, not so funny when you wake up and have to go to work on Monday.  Everyone has heard the urban legend of waking up in Mexico or the middle of the Vegas desert, while these stories may not be entirely true, I do caution you, as a groom to watch your intake at your stag.  Make it fun but don’t make an ass of yourself.  For a cautionary Bachelor Party tale go rent “Very Bad Things” on DVD.

The Rehearsal Dinner

This event usually takes place the night before your wedding.  So it should be a no-brainer not to tie one on.  The last thing you want to do is stand across from your bride as you sweat out last night’s tequila.  Or even worse, puke during the ceremony.  It’s one thing to be sitting in a pew all hung over but it’s an entirely different thing to be up in front of all your friends and family swaying back and forth.  This will go for your groomsmen as well.  You and your groomsmen are the hosts, or you should be.  It’s your jobs to make sure everyone gets to know each other at the rehearsal, there will be plenty of time for a drink, feel free to ride the buzz at the dinner, but don’t go overboard.  People will wanting to talk to you and take your picture so you want the conversations to be remembered and the photos to look good, no wonky drunk eyes for you my friend.

The Ceremony

Most officiants I deal with will call off the wedding and refuse to marry you if they smell the sweet, sweet nectar on your breath.  Plus it’s illegal to sign a binding contract if you’re pissed (not sure if this counts in the record industry though) I can’t say it more plainly…don’t get hammered before the ceremony.  On my wedding day we decided it was ok to drink champagne and red bull while we got ready.  When the photographer came in and asked me if I was nervous, I said “No, why?”  Well I was shaking so damn much from that red bull, the stuff tasted great but man it did a number on you.  We stopped and out came the water.  I also had a best man who drank so much before the ceremony I got to see him puke, right before I stuffed him into a walk in freezer for 45 minutes to slow down his blood flow.  He made it through the (thankfully) short ceremony and passed out 10 minutes into the photo session.  I don’t think he’s still friends with the groom.

The Reception

Well, you made it through the day, time to get your drink on right!?!?!?  This is tricky because people will be getting you drinks, shots and all those toasts.  Keep in mind your food intake for the day, you may not have eaten much.  As we all know, this will impact your tolerance.  Drinking in the heat, also does a number on you.  I tell my guys to go easy during the cocktail hour, eat as many hors d’oeuvres as you can and I usually recommend 1 – 2 glasses of champagne (‘cause it’s classy)  Try not to really hit the sauce until after you give your speech.  You may not be as funny as you think after a few drinks so beware, your entire family is listening to you.  Again, this goes for your groomsmen as well.  And on a parting note, booze can ruin a good night in the sack, so keep in mind it’s your WEDDING NIGHT you fool, this is one night you really want to give that Oscar winning performance.

Simon’s Gutsy Groom Advice

So in closing, drink is good, too much drink is bad.  Too much drink and all your boys around can be even worse.  I attended a wedding rehearsal and the groom had a few drinks and horsing around in the parking lot, well he tripped on one of those parking spot markers, the big concrete things and fell face first (from a run) into the parking lot.  He was OK, but he had more makeup on than his bride at the ceremony the next day.

You may be the guests of honor, but it’s also your job to make sure everyone else is having a good time.  You need to be on the ball enough to be able to get up and dance with Grandma, hold a decent conversation with Uncle Charlie and take your new wife to bed at the end of the night, so watch your consumption pal, you’ll be having a great time and it WILL sneak up on you.

One last event I neglected to mention is the brunch the next day.  If you’re having one, all your guests will be there, there will be food and you will have to talk to people.  Getting up in the morning, being nice and being able to eat can be tough if you got rip roaring drunk the night before.  But you have to be “on” ‘cause it’s your event dude.

If you drink a full pint of water for every drink at the reception I find that works pretty well, and of course a few pints of water before you head to bed.  You’ll need the energy!!!

Guys, please don’t drink and drive and don’t let your guests do it either, apart from spilling your drink if you crash it’s a total dumb ass thing to do.

Guest Blogger Profile: Simon Daykin

Spice up the wedding reception with a signature cocktail.

Sure, everyone has champagne at the cocktail hour…BORING!  Add some of your personality by designing your own signature drink for your guests.  This is not a scotch bar, or tequila tasting bar, this is drink that you have created (or borrowed) specifically for your wedding.  Choosing the drink can be just as much fun as drinking it.  If you are a Vodka lover, add some vodka into the mix, maybe you can have the drink match your wedding colors or the theme of the wedding.

Ice, Ice Baby

I like my drinks cold, but I dislike ice in my drink.  Martini’s are cold and they have no ice in them, that’s because they are mixed with the ice, then poured out.  Well that’s pretty standard fare huh.  Let’s take that up a notch.  Gentlemen, I present to you the Ice Luge.  It’s cooler that a plain ice sculpture and booze comes out of it!  Cold booze!  Plus you can really get creative with the design, just remember to run it by your fiancé first…she may not appreciate an ice bust of her and the booze comes out of the nose.  You can work the design of the luge into your theme, we did a wedding where the couple loved to swing dance and music was a big part of the wedding so we had a saxophone ice luge designed for them.

It’s Was a Shot, But Now It’s a Cocktail

This is a trick we used at our wedding, we had a shot that both my wife and I loved.  But it isn’t too classy to be doing shots at the cocktail hour.  So we simply increased the amounts and turned it into a cocktail.  It was Jagermeister, peach schnapps and cranberry juice.  We had it mixed in a martini shaker (so it’s cold without ice) and served either in a martini glass or a rock glass.  It tasted great, was 1 of our signature drinks and we called it the “Groomsman Surprise”.  So if there is a mixed shot you like, grab the ingredients and turn it into cocktail…and no, adding 3 ounces to your 1 ounce shot of tequila and putting it in a bigger glass does not make it a cocktail fellas.

His & Hers & Theirs

Now, there is no rule that says you can only have 1 signature drink.  You can have as many as you like without it getting out of hand.  I would max it out at 4.  This way you can have a drink named for the groom, one for the bride and one for each bridal party.  You could do 3 and have one for the couple and one for each of the bridal parties.  Keep it fun, name them something silly (not vulgar though), maybe have a separate menu printed up to go on the bar stating the name and ingredients of your signature drinks.

Simon’s Gutsy Groom Advice

Signature drinks are great at a cocktail hour, they get people talking, they taste good and they will leave an impression on your guests.  I find a lot of people talking about the signature drink and what the name was and did you have one???  Plus with posting your wedding photos on Facebook now, people can tag the drink if they want.  It really just opens up a lot of possibilities for fun and adding that little bit of unique to your wedding day.

You could also incorporate this into your “man shower”, have your guys bring their favorite drink recipes with them and then mix the drinks, pick a winner or 2 and hand out the prizes.  Just make sure that after you’re done tasting, you have places for the guys to crash, so they don’t drink & drive.

Guest Blogger Profile: Simon Daykin

I will never forget this day.  We are in Ireland for a wedding, my wife walks up to the bar and asks the barman if the bar is “open”.  Of course thinking, it’s a wedding, it must be free drinks.  And hey, we’re in bloody Ireland right?  Well, this little Irish fella turns to my wife, a mildly puzzled look on his face and says “Of course the bar is open my dear.”  So we order a couple pints and turn to leave…where upon he exclaims…”That’ll be 10 pounds  50 please.”  The bar was technically “open” but it meant something different in Ireland.

Everyone loves an open bar, but there are plenty of other options for the bride and groom.

Decisions, Decisions, Decisions

There are many choices of what type of bar you can have at your wedding, the open or free bar, the loony or toony bar, or the regular full price bar.  All of these could be paired with complimentary wine and champagne or just an open cocktail hour.  It’s really up to your wedding planning plans, your bride, the budget and what is important to you.  If you really want an open bar, maybe you have to reallocate some of the wedding budget from elsewhere.

Yes, This Bar Is Open

If you choose to go with the open bar, you want to know what you as the host will be paying for each drink.  Because someone has to pay.  Check if you can bring in your own supply of liquor and then check what the corkage fee will be per person.  Make sure the barkeep only opens bottles on a need to basis, that way you could return any unused bottles after the wedding.  But in truth you know you’ll just be taking it home.  To cut down on costs, have the staff serve wine at dinner instead of just putting bottles on the table.  I would also suggest closing the bars during dinner and speeches so people stay in their seats.  If a guest wants a drink from the bar this time…beer or spirits not usually served during dinner then have one of the wait staff fetch it for them.

Spare Change Anyone?

Loony and Toony bars are quite popular.  This will offset the cost to you on the liquor bill.  I have clients who are having a loony bar at their wedding, but have decided to donate all cash made via the bar to their favorite charity.  This is a great idea also.  It’s always nice to give back whenever possible.  It’s not too much to ask your guests to pony up a buck or two for a drink.  If you decide to do this you can always offer a free signature drink for the cocktail hour, complimentary wine with dinner and champagne for the speeches.  Also, I have found if you charge for the drinks, it cuts done on the one sip and left on the table problems.  And people seem not to go overboard if they have to pay for a drink.  But really?  A dollar or two ain’t that much to ask.

Just A Regular Bar With Regular Prices

You may decide to go with a regular bar and regular prices.  There may be numerous reasons for this.  Your guests may not be big drinkers and alcohol isn’t that important.  I attended a wedding for a couple in recovery, so most people were on the pop and coffee.  The few people drinking of course knew this so it wasn’t a big deal.  It really comes down to what is important to you and your budget.  If you have drinkers in the crowd but can’t do an open or discounted bar, offer other choices.  A complimentary signature drink or glass of champagne upon arrival is great.  Free wine at dinner is good, but have the wait staff serve it so your guests don’t pound through the bottles.  Offer complimentary juice, pop, sparkling water, coffees and tea.  You could also offer a free “special” coffee menu for after dinner or a port with dessert.  This will cut down the overall bar cost but the guests will also feel well taken care of.

Simon’s Gutsy Groom Advice

There are many ways to regulate drink consumption at a wedding so don’t be afraid to get creative.  I would always suggest shutting down the bars during dinner and if not that…for sure during speeches.  It’s hard enough to speak in front of a large crowd without people constantly getting up and distracting you.

Don’t be afraid of what other people think, you don’t want to go into debt just so you can have an open bar at your wedding.  If it’s really important to you that the booze be flowin’ have a look at your budget and see where you can get the money from.  A planner comes in really handy to help re-allocate funds.

Signature drinks are great, you know what’s in them, you know how much alcohol you need to make them and when they’re gone, they’re gone.  You can have lots of fun experimenting with recipes to come up with the perfect one for you and your bride.  I was re-watching Casino Royale last week. During the poker game, Bond orders a martini, which he later christens “The Vesper” and it’s a damn fine drink.  Thought I’d leave you the recipe to start you off.

Bond's signature drink is the Vesper Martini

Vesper Martini Recipe

Ingredients (brands listed are my personal fav’s)

* 6 Parts Gordon’s Gin
* 2 Parts Smirnoff Vodka
* 1 Part Lillet blanc
* Lemon Twist

Mixing Instructions
Shake gin, vodka and Lillet with ice and strain into a chilled martini glass. Garnish with lemon twist.

Enjoy!!!!