Wedding Party Planking

Bridesmaids planking in Alaska (photo - Barbie Hull Photography)

Bride and groom planking

And yes, there’s even this video feature two groomsmen getting ready for the wedding by doing, what else, planking.

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Have you planked? Would you consider planking at your wedding? Do tell in the comments section below.

Photographers: Do you have wedding planking photos? Send us a link and we’ll add it to our collection (with credit given,of course).

Real bed bugs: not as fun as the board game

My wife and I returned from our recent trip to New York with a familiar itching sensation, which is infinitely better than a burning sensation but still not a good sign. The red spots on our legs confirmed that we had encountered some bed bugs at one of the two fine lodging establishments where we had bunked during our vacation.

Holy crap, I thought. What if we’d had a run-in with these nocturnal blood-suckers during our destination wedding? Or, even worse, during our honeymoon? That there is a classic mood killer. Parasites really have no place in the bedroom … though “tapeworm” does make a great safe word in the sack.

So how do you prevent this truly unfortunate scenario? Lucky for you, groom, I’ve spelled out the necessary steps below. Get on this to-do list so you can get your freak on uninterrupted.

1. Strip. The only way to detect bed bugs in your hotel room is to strip that bed. So put the “hot” back in “hotel mattress inspection” and integrate it into your foreplay routine. There’s nothing sexier than peeling back stained sheets and soiled comforters and running your fingers up and down the seams of the mattress. If you’re into the rough stuff, ask the front desk for a screwdriver and remove that headboard. Get under that mattress. Get all up in those springs. After all this pre-coital activity, I guarantee you’ll have trouble walking tomorrow.

2. Dry clean your merkin. If a merkin is imperative to your wedding night enjoyment, make sure you use protection. Keep it in a Ziploc bag prior to use. If you’re using a new hairpiece, take advantage of that complimentary hotel laundry service. Like mom always said, “Pubic lice ain’t nice.”

3. Make it a threesome. A hotel that cares about its guests will gladly hire an exterminator in the case of an infestation. [in a thick Russian accent:] “Hello. Did someone call for service? I am also plumber.” Please keep in mind that the hotel concierge and janitorial staff are not paid to watch.

4. Pull out the Vaseline. Some pretty unreliable studies have shown that Vaseline is a bed bug deterrent. Let this be your excuse to grab the petroleum jelly out of your overnight bag and administer a thick coat to anything and everything in the room. Even less respectable studies show that whipped cream is just as effective.

5. Don’t book the Motor Inn, for chrissake. If you’re looking for a high-class experience, you’re not going to get it at $69 a night. Do yourself (and your bride) a favor: upgrade your wedding night and honeymoon hotel experience to ensure that you won’t have any unwanted souvenirs in the lining of your suitcase. Spending an extra $50 a night is probably the best preventative measure you can take. That and the merkin thing. I really do think that’s worthwhile.

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Brian Leahy is founder of The Groom Says — a safe haven for grooms who need a hand with wedding planning and brides who need a hand with their grooms. Check out the blog for some laughs and inspiration, and be sure to follow The Groom Says on Twitter.

There's certainly not enough talk of explosions on wedding blogs.

Last month, our friends over at Gigmasters blogged about the 10 Most Over-Used Words on Wedding Blogs. I have to admit that it was a genius idea for a post. We’re all certainly aware of those words that seem to appear in every paragraph of every blog post about wedding planning. At what point does it become overkill? And then it hit us… what if we replaced those over-used words with better, more awesome words? Words that Jack Bauer would use.

Sure, we’re a men’s blog… but we think that the wedding blogosphere could benefit from a vocabulary reboot. Check out our suggestions and associated topics below:

10. Explosion - Can also sub “pyrotechnics” and “detonation” at this spot.

9. Liquid Courage – Some guys need that extra little push before giving the dreaded toast.

8. Full contact – Learn how to properly tackle those unwanted guests.

7. Hostage negotiation – Here’s the scenario: your bride has been kidnapped by your crazy uncle. He’s demanding a seat at the head table.

6. Fantasy football – Groom’s inspiration board theme.

5. Tattoos – The do’s and don’ts of getting your bride’s name tattooed across your chest.

4. Torque – Battling that honey-do list requires maximum torque.

3. Bacon – If your menu doesn’t include it, you’re doing something wrong.

2. Heavy metal – There’s nothing like a mosh pit at a wedding.

1. Ménage à trois – Use your imagination.

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What other words do you think should be a part of this list? Let us know in the comments section.

The unofficial mascot of MyExWifesWeddingDress.com

It’s a toss-up between Juice Strainer and Litter Box Liner. No, I’m not talking about my least favorite chores around the house. I’m just trying to determine my personal favorite use that Tucson, AZ resident Kevin Cotter has found for his ex-wife’s wedding dress. And it’s a tough decision…

After their divorce last year, Cotter’s wife left behind her wedding dress. Unsure of what he should do with it, he brought up the subject at a family dinner. “You should wipe your ass with it,” was the first suggestion he received — from his brother. While that wasn’t quite the solution he was looking for, it did prompt him to start formulating a list of funny uses for the dress. Somewhere between Matador Cape and Grill Apron, the idea for the My Ex-Wife’s Wedding Dress blog was born.

Dress Use #53: Matador Cape

The blog’s mission is to document 101 uses for the dress. He’s currently up to #72 and taking suggestions for the remaining slots. I recently had the opportunity to ask Kevin a few questions about it:

Has your ex-wife seen the blog? Do you know what she thinks about it?
KC: I told my ex-wife about the blog after the first day of major traffic.  She isn’t the site’s biggest fan.  The story I tell on my blog is about me and an unconventional healing process that involves my ex-wife’s wedding dress.  I’m not out to get my ex-wife.

What’s the strangest use that’s been suggested by a reader?
KC: That’s a tough one.  I had one guy contact me who wanted me to bring the dress to Alabama so he could shoot it out of a cannon to promote a website he was launching.  I think pretty much everything has been suggested at this point.  I have to moderate the comments on my blog because quite a few of them are X-rated.

Of the 72 uses so far, do you have a personal favorite?
KC: The Darth Vader scarecrow is still my favorite picture of the bunch, but there are a few more that I really like.

Have you dated since the divorce? If so, what has the reaction been to your blog?
KC: I have dated since my divorce and am actually making plans to get married this year.  My fiancee understands my project and that I am going to finish what I started.  She is also well aware that I’m over my ex.  It was hard to explain at first, as I’m sure you can imagine.  When we met I was already half-way through taking all my pictures.  “So, you see sweetheart . . . I’m taking hundreds, potentially thousands, of pictures with my ex-wife’s wedding dress.”  It wasn’t an easy  sell at first but after witnessing it first-hand she understood it and sees the humor in it.  She is very supportive.

In reflecting about your previous marriage, what would be your No. 1 tip for grooms preparing to say “I do”?
KC: This question is difficult for me because I feel very strongly that there is nothing I could have done differently to save my marriage.  My #1 advice would be to realize that marriage requires a lot of work – the first years might be a breeze but it will get more challenging.  Also, if you sense things are heading the wrong direction see a counselor – make sure you both want to put in the effort to get things back on track.  Lastly, if you wake up one day and discover your wife wants out – try to keep her wedding dress.  These wedding dresses are good for so many things.

A few other favorite uses:

Dress Use #56: Fishing Net

Dress Use #15: Sporting Event Banner

Dress Use #26: Hammock

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Keep tabs on Kevin’s mission by following him on Twitter and liking him on Facebook. Also, keep an eye out for a book this fall that he promises will expand on the dress uses from the website.

All photos courtesy of myexwifesweddingdress.com