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Expert Forum: Sex on the Wedding Night

Under the impression that your wedding night will be the summit of your sexual life? Hold that thought. Whether due to fatigue, hunger, inebriation, or a combination of all three, sex may not even happen on the big night. Is this acceptable? There’s no right or wrong answer, but everyone has an opinion. We pulled together some of our favorite bloggers to debate just how important it is to seal the marital deal on the wedding night.


Some stats say as high as 50% of newlyweds don’t consummate the marriage until the honeymoon. Just how important is doing the deed on the wedding night?

Kara Horner (Blogger & Media Director,
Twitter: @TMR_Kara

Let’s face it; weddings are often emotional, stressful and exhausting. So it’s no surprise that nearly half of couples are too spent (or over-served) to have sex on the wedding night and end up crashing instead. If it works out, mazel tov! But if it doesn’t happen, don’t sweat it. Don’t put unnecessary pressure on yourselves to do the deed when neither of you is really into it. That will only lead to disappointment. Instead, rest up, recharge and postpone the wedding night sex until your honeymoon instead. Once you’ve both had a minute to relax, you’ll be in the right frame of mind to enjoy being newlyweds.

Darren Younge (Founder, Well-Groomed)
Twitter: @wellgrmd

Not even a little important. There’s no point in forcing it if you’re not feeling it. After months of dealing with in-law drama, wedding details, and budget dilemmas, it’s understandable. If the reception leaves you too tired or boozy to hit the sheets, then by all means, wait until you’re relaxing oceanside with the Mrs.

Brian Leahy (Founder, The Groom Says)
Twitter: @thedaddysays

There’s one thing I know for certain: if you carry your stunning bride down that Hampton Inn hallway and across the threshold and announce upon entry that you’re ready to “do the deed,” then I guarantee that’s gonna be the only entry you see that night. I’m not at all surprised that over half of newlyweds can’t pull it together on their wedding night. You’re both drenched in sweat, sore in the legs from dancing, sore in the mouth from smiling, and that hangover is only moments away. On any other “ordinary” night, sex would be the farthest thing from your mind. So don’t put too much stress on it — cause you kids have got plenty of time to do the dirty. And cause it’s much more likely that you’ll be hitting up Taco Bell at 2AM in your full wedding get-up, hoping the dude working late-night throws some free chalupas your way.

Holly Steen (Owner, Cakes & Kisses Photography)
Twitter: @cakesandkisses

My husband says the importance of sex on the wedding night is very important if the couple hasn’t had sex for religious or biblical reasons. But if a couple has been living together or had premarital relations it doesn’t seem that important. Because weddings are such an extravagant day, not just a 20 minute ceremony. Couples are spending thousands for a 6 hour party to celebrate. By the wedding night they are too exhausted from the first dance, toasts, last dance, etc. So everyone understands why they don’t consummate. I say, it is vital to have the connection after such a beautiful celebration of your wedding with friends and family. It completes the translation from fiancé/fiancée to husband/wife. Isn’t the divorce rate the same as the couples who wait to consummate till the honeymoon?

Ian (Founder, A Groom’s Diary)
Twitter: @agroomsdiary

If you’re having a Dances With Wolves themed wedding it is part of the deal that everyone follows you to your teepee and stands outside while it happens. But I’ve read that only 47% of weddings in the US are Dances With Wolves themed…so that may not be for everyone. I say it’s important. Our wedding night the skies parted and the continents moved. Literally. Clouds cleared and there was an earthquake while we were consummating. You need to do it, just to try to top our earth and skies wedding night.


Married couples: if you feel comfortable sharing, leave a comment below and tell us if you and your husband got it done on the wedding night. If you didn’t, why?

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