Boutonnieres get no respect.
Imagine for a moment that you’re a boutonniere. From conception, you and your band of boutonniere brothers are undoubtedly one of the less crucial elements of the wedding. You might say that you’re slightly more significant than the guestbook on the wedding website … but still less important than the stationary hors d’oeuvres at the reception. Despite your potential, the only real purpose you serve is to “look nice but not as nice as the bouquet.” You’re an afterthought. Other groom attire elements have risen to varying levels of stardom (socks, ties, Converse sneakers), but sadly, you lag behind.
Last I week I stumbled upon a site called Fritts Rosenow, a company specializing in bespoke boutonnieres, and I thought — Now here’s a glimmer of hope. Fritts’ custom-made collection spans several styles and themes (nautical, vintage, bachelor pad) and even includes an impressive wall-mounted deer head. Per their “About” page, Fritts believes that grooms should express themselves through their boutonnieres.
But can’t we go further, men? In the spirit of homemade crafts and handmade gifts, let’s invest some time and design some boutonnieres on our own. Even TheKnot.com, in a wedding flowers how-to article, suggests that we leave the “tough stuff” to the professionals but perhaps tackle the groom’s boutonniere at home.
Well, we’ve taken that advice, Knotties, and then we took it even further. And then we took it too far. And further still. We ended up giving boutonnieres WAY too much respect and a giant, unattractive ego.
Introducing, the RESPECTFULLY EGO-CENTRIC BOUTONNIERE COLLECTION, by The Groom Says. Shipping not included.
A darling bouquet of toothbrush, cuticle scissor and razor, complemented by a cluster of chic Q-tips and a touch of Kleenex. It is fastened with a fine, mint-flavored dental floss and accented with an elegant white ribbon crafted from Charmin toilet paper.
Nothing says “I’m a big deal” like a half-used roll of Scotch tape drooping delicately from the blazer that you wore to work earlier that day. Also available in double-sided and duct.
An exquisite spray of both L and R ear buds. Sleek off-white cords may dangle or tuck discreetly into a chest pocket.
An array of bright yellow Craspedia (with elegant green stems), adorned with mini gladiolus bulbs and tied with an unobtrusive lavender string. Remove with lukewarm water.
A touch of the olden days — a crisp, timeless $2 bill that lets your guests know precisely who paid for their steak or chicken. Recipient of the Strip Club Boutonniere of the Year Award.
Gimme S’more Groom
On the “fun” side — a slightly toasted marshmallow, sandwiched between two pieces of Godiva chocolate, sandwiched further between two graham crackers, and all tethered to a branch of hand-whittled mahogany. Also available in bouquet.
All photos © Joanna Wilson Photography
Brian Leahy is founder of The Groom Says — a safe haven for grooms who need a hand with wedding planning and brides who need a hand with their grooms. Check out the blog for some laughs and inspiration, and be sure to follow The Groom Says on Twitter and Google+.