As part of her virtual ‘Before You Tie the Knot’ book tour, our friend Rev. Angela Butts Chester stops by today to answer our questions on grooms, ceremonies and healthy marriages. Enjoy..

Q) What is the top wedding fear or concern that grooms have when you first meet or talk to a recently engaged couple? How are those fears different than those of the bride?

A) The top wedding fear for the groom can be different than that of the bride.  His fear and concerns are usually different depending on his role in the wedding.  There are two couples: those who pay themselves and those whose parents pay for the wedding.

If the parents are paying for the wedding, the bride & groom are as different as night and day.  The groom wants to make sure he doesn’t do anything “stupid” or look bad in front of his soon to be in-laws.  The bride wants to make sure that the ceremony is as romantic and elegant as she has always dreamed.  They usually do not mention words like cost, but will refer to the price of something. Subtle difference, but important.

If the wedding couple is paying for the ceremony themselves, they agree on one thing up front – the cost!  He will state, “We are paying for this ourselves, so we want to keep the cost low” several times in the conversation and consultation.  This is to remind not only me, but his bride, not to select a package that is too pricey.  His worry is that they will become over extended. Her worry is, she wants a nice ceremony, but doesn’t want to appear to have been thrifty, while still staying on target.

If the couple is seeking premarital counseling, the other concerns about marriage  are discussed.  If they cannot get to a counselor, purchasing my book, Before You Tie The Knot, can help.  The book goes over the many topics that cause problems within a marriage; topics couples get divorced over.  From relationship expectations to children, we’ve covered it all.

Q) How can grooms and brides work together in the early stages of marriage to ensure that their marriage is successful? Can problems that arise during wedding planning eventually affect the health of the marriage?

A) Marriage is teamwork; you need to work as a couple towards your goals.   If you are not mindful of your spouse, not only will planning your wedding be hard, but your married life will suffer at some point. Working together is key.   You can start with wedding planning.

Brides have a tendency to want to do it all themselves.  Get your fiancé involved.  Give him tasks that he will enjoy doing, that you need done. Put him in charge of creating the maps to the wedding reception or getting items on a list to the proper venue.  If he has an eye for art, select the invitations together and so on.

When you purchase Before You Tie The Knot – A Premarital Counseling Workbook for the DIY Couple, you will find out about your partners wishes, expectations and needs; their strengths, weaknesses, fears and outlook. This is powerful information.   Some people don’t talk about what they need; they leave the other to assume.  Married roles are changing. It’s not the cookie cutter roles of the 50’s.  You need a foundation as to what your life will be.

If the groom does not wish to participate in planning the wedding, it doesn’t mean that he is a bad person or that he will be a slacker later in your married life.  You should, however, have concern if he has no plan for his life at all.

With Before You Tie The Knot – A Premarital Counseling Workbook for the DIY Couple, you discuss housekeeping, social life, religion/beliefs, finances, parenting/children, just to name a few.  Decide what you want in the beginning and work from there. Adjust as you go along and work as a team.

Q) Do you have any funny ceremony stories that you can share with our readers?

A) I married an interfaith couple – she is Christian and he is Jewish.  Neither of them wanted to convert to the other’s religion, but respected the other’s belief system.  So, at the very end of the ceremony, both families decided to do a very cute gesture.

The couple was pronounced husband and wife, they kissed, turned to be presented to their friends and families and that’s when the father of the bride, takes a glass wrapped in a white cloth, breaks the glass with a hearty stomp – Mazal tov!  The groom’s side laughs.  The groom’s side then stands and says – Amen.  As the new couple and wedding party recess, there are cheers, applause and waves.

This was a great way to respect the other family and put everyone at easy.  It was a great wedding.

Tags: Before You Tie the Knot Book, Healthy Marriages, Rev. Angela Butts Chester, Wedding Ceremony

This entry was posted on Wednesday, April 28th, 2010 at 9:00 pm and is filed under Groom Tips. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.